Grieving is coming to terms with what has happened. It is the process we go through to heal and recover, integrating it into our life story. We "don't get over" our losses because life will not be the same as it was before. In our recovery, we become a new person with a new identity.
It is important to take time to mourn our losses so that wounds do not become buried and healing less complete. Mourning requires permission to cry, to feel the pain and to share our experience with others. Reach out to get support you need. Just as it takes time for our bodies to heal after an injury or major surgery, so it takes time for our emotional psyche and hearts to heal; longer than our society is willing to acknowledge.
No matter where you are in your recovery journey, from whatever loss, holidays and other special events can trigger an unexpected round of pain. One way to get through these times is preparation. Include stories of your loved one in conversations during festivities. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable (it does not make you weaker). Redirect your attention to good memories while you are creating new ones. There are many bitter-sweet memories that can be savored through the tears and laughter. Be ready to laugh at the past, yourself and the memories of your loved one.
Holidays will end and at some point you will discover a new meaning and excitement connected to them. Hang on to that thought.
Marlene Anderson, MA, LMHC, NCC
Author, "A Love so Great, a Grief so Deep"
